"Are we there yet?"

Gladly, I are not 'there' yet.  I have not yet arrived.  There is still learning and growth and challenges before me.  How you perceive this, I think, will have a major effect on how you view the outcome....  or better yet, how you view the future adventures ahead.

I, for one, hope never to have 'arrived.'  To have arrived means that I have learned and experienced all there is out there to learn or experience.  To have arrived means I am now the person I have hoped to become in this lifetime.  If I am 'there,' then there is nothing left to stimulate or grow, entertain, or challenge me.

I am clearly not there yet.  I have not yet arrived.  Technically (hopefully) I am midlife right now.  If not midlife, then the alternative is that I will have a shorter than expected life, and I am not up for that.  Nor would I want to live past any usefulness.  I want a life that gives me around 75 or 80 years of a productive life.

So, hopefully, I am past the petty, silly, inconsequential crap.  I am beyond the stuff that really does not matter.  I hope and pray I am past being selfish and rude because I think I am better than someone else.  (come one...  if you want to be honest with yourself, you have thought this at some point in your life---with some circumstance, AT LEAST once.  whether it is a person who lacks fashion.  Or maybe style.  Or education---that's a viable one-up, right???  Those who have degrees are CLEARLY better than the ignorant...right?  And, ones living situation.  You live, where?  Oh.  Uh huh.  That's nice.  I am SO glad I don't live like THAT!)

The reality, in my estimation, even if you might harbor some pride inside your heart, is that we are no better than the least of these.  We simply are no better than the least of these.  No matter what you think you possess.

Years ago I was treating a gal who just happened to be a prostitute.  She had come to the ED with viable medical needs.  But during my nursing assessment of her, I discovered that she had been raped by 4 men whom she had been "partying" with that night.  What we were treating her for was nothing related to this, but still, I stayed with her.  I sat with her for a bit, offering her social work services and treatment for rape, which she refused.

She detailed the events of the evening.  She told me everything.  I told her she had the right not only to be checked and treated for this, but to have the police find the men who did this.  Right???  A woman who had four men force sex has the right to protest?

No, she said.  Who would believe her?  She is a prostitute.  Not only, who is going to believe her, but she was "partying" (drugging) with them, so she deserved it, right?  AND, she said, "I have been down that road before, and it's not worth it."

So, I treated this gal for her ER needs and sent her on her way, at her request.  But she obviously made an impression on my mind and in my career.  And it's peculiar; her impression wasn't just because of her circumstance or plight, but more-so because of my perception/viewpoint of her.  You never know what someone has lived until you have been through it with them.  But for the grace of god, go I.  And, honestly, even in the midst of grace and other peaceful things..... this gal was just as important as me, if not more so.

I hope and pray I am not "there yet."  Help me grow and learn.  Give me MORE compassion (yes, yes: i have oft said that "i hate people,"), teach me LOVE and mercy.  I have so much to learn.  So much to grow into. I have NOT arrived.  And I want never to have arrived~!.

untimely timeliness

well hello there.  how are ya?  good.  good...

so.  this week was filled with a whole lot of nothing.  and yet it was filled with a lot of stuff.

5 of the six originals were here for dinner tuesday evening.  only one missing was the banana (brianna) who was hoping for greatness in recoloring walls in her new abode.  but did i take pics of this event that rarely happens???? nope.  i was too busy spending time with the kiddos.  note to self:  take a couple shots so you can prove how happy you all were.  (sam departs in less than two weeks and we shan't see him again for quite a while.  it's that derned life he keeps living that keeps him away from his fam of origin.  dirty rat).

the second middle child, valerie, robert and i went for an exclusive hike in our little mountain side hills (5 minutes out the door and a vast expanse to explore).  we got over 2 hours of an uphill climb (both ways, i tell ya) and a lot of calories burned.  good thing-- there was no snow .... and that it was more than 5 miles up hill both ways.  the caveat is that my hips, buttocks and quads are REALLY letting me know how effective the climb was.  YAY!  let's do more of that and less of ineffective, boring workouts!  didn't see any cougars, although we were prepared!  heard and saw the FANTASTIC 'First Creek' river and felt happiness the whole time.  who wouldn't feel complete completeness when you have your favorite second middle child with you for many hours???  *love*!!!

had an interview with a company i REALLY want to be a part of today.  interview went well.  scenario (providing evidence of my clinical skills) went really well.  long, arduous written test kicked my arse.....  don't want to leave my beloved Good Sam ER;  just want growth and challenge and new experiences to make me a better nurse/person/wife/mother/ citizen, etc.

spring has all but sprung here in central washington.  my plant starts are ready to go into "real" soil outside....once i am convinced that the early morning frost has abated.

and there you have it.  well----mostly.  i also have a preteen who i can proudly proclaim is more moody than her premenopausal mother (thank god she takes the prize.  otherwise i would be the recipient of that great award).  there is also a teen who will be working his way toward the privilege of driving, should he demonstrate the maturity necessary (god----PLEASE help me).  i also get the pleasure of remaining humble in how i present myself, in any given situation.  really.... thank god for this.  i NEED to remember to remain humble.  not that i am over confident; or even confident, in real life. but being reminded to remain humble kind of revives me.  know what i mean???

so.  great kids.  great conversation at the dinner table.  great outdoors.  great work.  work that needs work.... but overall, a great, great life.

thanks for listening.  i know you are busy too.

k

Short but good...

I am doing this for my beloved Brianna.  She wants me to post more consistently.  So here I am.

The problem here, one among many, is how distracted I get.  Google apparently has revamped, updated, added and upgraded all it's stuff, so I get on here (after being distracted  by reading someone else's brilliant posts) and have to upload my pictures, tell a little something about myself, upload more pictures (and wait cuz it takes a minute or two each) and then time floats away (because it isn't anchored anywhere in the house).

Ok.  I am gonna say something.  I have lots and lots to say.  But I also have lots and lots to do today.  Valerie is en route, Seth and Sam will be over in a bit too.  Rob will be home in a few hours.  And I have neither, worked out, shopped, tidied the house, or prepared for ANYone coming over.  And yet, I have so much to say!!!

It's a sunny day outside.  My apple, peach, pear and aspens have buds that are burgeoning! My boxes are getting readied for life.... the starts are still in the living room gaining strength and height (except for the derned watermelon starts, of which only one has decided to break the soil thus far!!).  THERE.  I have said something.  Now I must shower and traverse to the grocer and get some food for the hungry tummies coming over later.

I promise (PROMISE) to write more inspirational, in-depth, awe-inspiring verbiage soon.  I promise, my little Bri-girl!!!

Marm

there always has to be the first day

Ok.  So, worked a FABulous shift as charge nurse for my beloved ER.  12 great hours.  The dilemma for a fine day in my ER isn't something overly complex or something that has to do with a life saved or lost (several of those happen regardless), but with being so busy and stressed that I grab what is available for sustenance and settle for less than the optimal nutritive choices.  As I gear up for my challenge, I am even more acutely aware of how my poor choices will affect me.

So today, I ate cafeteria food:  two scoops of hobo hash for breakfast, two hard boiled eggs (from home) for snack, the meatballs and jo jos from the cafeteria....and then a bite of ground beef once I got home.  Not the best choices, but they are what they are.  On the morrow, I will plan more accordingly.  Take your food, silly.  Don't eat the cafeteria food.

One day at a time, folks.  One silly day at a time.

Kies

a new beginning

I know I haven't been the best blogger.  You're supposed to write often and I write sporadically with inconsistency, etc.  My thoughts come at inopportune times and I end up saying, "I will do it tomorrow." As a semi-professional (i don't get paid for it, so i can't go for the full 'professional') procrastinator, this is a common theme for me.

ALAS!!  No longer!!  I have accepted a challenge that will officially begin March 12, 2012. Several of my cohorts at work have accepted it as well so the journey will not be taken alone.  It has been a long time coming; one I knew I should begin for quite some time.  I have put it off till tomorrow for about a "million too many" days.  And so, I have decided to journal my journey in my journal....my blog.

It is a 12 week challenge offered by, "Pierce County Match Up," that has accountability, prizes, and a sound program.  It includes healthy eating, exercise, weight loss and taking the journey with your friends.  For me personally, when this opportunity presented itself, it was much like being 9 months pregnant--or even over due---and KNOWING that you are about to face labor and delivery....and that there is no was around it.  You have to do it to get the prize.

So, if you know me at all, you know I boast about healthy eating, exercise, healthy living, organics, gardening, family, etc....  Now is the time for me.  I have been avoiding practicing what I preach for far too long!!!  I am pregnant with ambition and the prospect of health and I need to do my Lamaze training and get ready for delivery.  This time, I will deliver the shedding of 30 lbs, and take on daily habits that contribute to my healthy lifestyle.

Follow me, if you will, on this journey.  I need all the encouragement I can get!  I am eager to train and put in the hard work and it won't be easy!  But it will certainly be worth it!!

Peace, love, and hippy beads,
Kies

Time of Your Life

I am in the absolute best time of my life.  Well, I should say that cautiously.  But I am...

When I had all six kids at home and my main focus was their education, their upbringing, their well-being, it was the time of my life.  I knew no greater purpose.  I lived and breathed my sweet, sweet short people.  I would fall asleep at night thinking of what they would need in the coming days and weeks and I was truly hap-hap-happy.  There truly is no greater joy than rearing/raising wonderful children.  (yes, there were YEARS of trying days/weeks/ months.  But overall, if I had the choice of doing it all over again or having some life of singleness, or childlessness, or even less children, I would choose the exact same life again).

Then, a child or two was ready to move into their own life, into adulthood.  And that (cough-cough) was fine too.  Even more than thinking of your short people 29/8 (as opposed to 24/7), is the divine pleasure of knowing that they are doing well and moving on appropriately with their lives.  There is a line from "Pride and Prejudice" that says it all for me----but I can't find it.  It is when Jane is speaking with her beloved sister, Lizzy, about her marriage and the joy it will bring her family.  She says something about knowing it will bring happiness and pride to her family.

Well, that is what it feels like when your kids make good choices for their lives.  It DOES bring joy to their family...  it makes their mama happy.  ( i care not about them doing well monetarily---that will come and go, but true happiness and thoughtful decisions leave their mama (me) very well pleased.  i have had money, and i have been without.  thoughtful, insightful decisions by your children are far better!!)

So.... fast forward.  I now have just two short people at home.  Asa is 14 and Selah is 12. The oldest four are progressing quite well with their lives including college, wifing, military life, hard work, and a combination of the former.

I go to work.  I come home.  I have a fabulous garden.  I have a lot of dogs and as many cats.  I sleep well; I eat well; I enjoy what I do on all ends (work, home, kids, etc).  I am having the time of my life.  (and the house is quiet the majority of the time)

What is the time of your life?  What will it be in 10, 20 years?  Can you imagine what it will be like?  Plan for it...  know that you may entirely enjoy what is going on right now (with kids that are defiant and yelling at you) and that your 'time' is right around the corner), so think ahead.  The future is sooner than you think!!

A Week Into It

Ok.  There you have it.  We are a week into the year 2012 and what do we have?  Nothing much.  It sure feels just like it did a mere two weeks ago when were we still writing "2011" on our checks.  What's changed?

Nothing but the progression of time has changed, my dear friends.  I hate to break it to you, but there is no magic bullet or switch that you can flip that will change things.  It is much like a long drive across this great country of ours.  Simply moving from Washington State to Oregon changes nothing.  Oh yes, there is a sign that says, "Welcome to Oregon," but the terrain is EXACTLY the same.  You can expect some great difference, but there isn't one.  Trust me.

This is the same thing that happens after one day of eating well and exercising.  I assure you, I have studied this to a great extent.  In my feeble, simple mind at the day's end I consider all that calorie counting and all that work, and figure I should have lost AT LEAST 15 pounds.  But again, the terrain is the same and not much has changed.  I have not become that 25 year old-never-had-a-child, hard body....  I am not shaped into a body building figure.  I am simply the same person I was a the onset of the day.  Except I worked out and ate well.  Dag-Nab-it, if this thing is gonna take some REAL effort and some REAL change, it is gonna take some REAL time!!!

So, when can we expect 2012 to look differently than 2011?  I figure the real change will present itself somewhere between September 2012 and January 2013.  OMG!!!  Did I just bring 2013 into play....??? Well, yes, I did.  And by 2013, 2011 will seem vastly changed.

And maybe I will appear to have lost about 30 pounds and look more fit.  Good Lord, I can't wait for 2013 to get here!!

xoxo
Kies