As I sat at my sweet Selah's Winter Concert (she plays clarinet, guitar and sings), I started to stare off. Well, not just "off." It was more like a 'gaze' of sorts. I was watching them play (actually, it was the high school band playing because i would NEVER gaze off when my child was playing!!), and I just started to gaze.....and think. Wasn't it just a couple years ago when I was in 7th grade and providing concerts? No, really.... it was.
I counted the time with my left foot mostly. And for technique's sake, just so you know, the balls of my feet stay on the floor while I keep time with a rhythmic lift and tap, lift and tap, of my heel. And when I am listening to something that moves me, to this day, I fall into a 'sway.'
I only made 4th chair for 4+ years of clarinet. Not surprising to anyone who might know me. Jack of All Trades, Master of None. I enjoyed playing, don't get me wrong. My band instructor was pleased with me because he could throw me into the flute or french horn, or sax....but I was never great at any of them.
Either way, watching the music director tonight took me back to my chair (fourth from the end), back to the keeping of 3/4, 4/4, 1/2 time, back to Mr. Combs (band instructor) and Mr. Peterson (affectionately known as "Mr. Pete," to his happy students.) I was taken back to a junior high schedule that included Concert Choir, Concert Band, Girls Glee and the illustrious, elite, "Madrigals," which I auditioned for and made as an 8th grader, when most only made it as a freshman. (OK.... I have to admit that I probably only made it so early because of my older brother who was a GOD to Mr. Pete. But still, I loved my time as a Soprano I in Madrigals.)
Today I took the leap and changed my FaceBook page to it's new, "Time Line." What does my junior high band-playing days have to do with accepting the new FaceBook change? Well, I, as a linear person LOVE the idea of a timeline record of my life. That is actually how I remember my life; as a timeline. I just don't remember all of it as nicely as I would like. I am hoping Facebook will help with that to some degree.
The biggest question as I 'gaze' off: "What will I show for this time I have on earth?" So what if I can look back at band class, or my work history, or where I've lived...? Have I been productive? Have I contributed to society and the lives of those around me? Have I done with my life what God wanted me to do? Have I wasted God's time? Will Facebook's Timeline be able to record that? (well, i am not counting on that....)
Can I keep this question before me to remind me to make every day count?
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
The Best Christmas Gifts
This is my gift request this year that I sent to my lovelies. I think it will be our new tradition, which will be a departure from what.....??? ....28 years of motherhood. Christmas time in a family our size has always been so wonderful. Now, with only my two youngest at home, there is an adjustment in the focus. Presents are always so fun when the kids are young---just seeing their eyes and their faces light up at the first recognition of them getting a long desired present, has been my happiest moment. But now, with 2/3's of my kiddos over 19 years old, and the youngest two 12 and 14, I find my heart longing and soooo desirous of simply having them all together in our living room with the fire blazing, laughter emanating, folks sipping on a little 'sippy,' and the smell of..... well, the smell of complete happiness and contentment! Here's the note:
"Happy Merry Christmas Greetings to everyone!
I just wanted to send out a little note to you all regarding this years WILDLY anticipated Christmas celebration! We are soooooo much looking forward to having everyone over for Christmas Eve (and the surrounding days, of course)! There is no greater joy for me personally than having my loved ones around me, sharing laughter and stories and making wonderful memories. It is truly the best gift I get each year!
In that light, I just wanted to lift any expectation of gift giving this year. Your delightful company is all that is desired this year!! I want to provide a time for us to grow closer and share some time together (and food and vino and cigars and bon fires and snow and pictures) and am sooooo looking forward to that. This year has been a great year for us, but with house commitments and decreased work hours, our focus has not been on anything but the expectation of love and family time!
So, please know that the gift exchange this year will be limited to the shortest of short people (those under 18 y/o), with the exception of stockings and lots and lots of fun memories!!! Please bring your smiles and willingness to sit close together beside the fire and drink in the loveliness of our relationships---but no wrapped presents, etc. Just your love and beautiful faces are all that is desired!
LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Marmie"
"Happy Merry Christmas Greetings to everyone!
I just wanted to send out a little note to you all regarding this years WILDLY anticipated Christmas celebration! We are soooooo much looking forward to having everyone over for Christmas Eve (and the surrounding days, of course)! There is no greater joy for me personally than having my loved ones around me, sharing laughter and stories and making wonderful memories. It is truly the best gift I get each year!
In that light, I just wanted to lift any expectation of gift giving this year. Your delightful company is all that is desired this year!! I want to provide a time for us to grow closer and share some time together (and food and vino and cigars and bon fires and snow and pictures) and am sooooo looking forward to that. This year has been a great year for us, but with house commitments and decreased work hours, our focus has not been on anything but the expectation of love and family time!
So, please know that the gift exchange this year will be limited to the shortest of short people (those under 18 y/o), with the exception of stockings and lots and lots of fun memories!!! Please bring your smiles and willingness to sit close together beside the fire and drink in the loveliness of our relationships---but no wrapped presents, etc. Just your love and beautiful faces are all that is desired!
LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Marmie"
Sunday, December 4, 2011
blocking the writer
"Write," they say. Write every day. No matter what, write. Write. Right. Rite. Wright. "Wright"????
When it comes to writing for the blog, I find myself picking and choosing what to write. I end up not writing for a number of reasons. It's not noteworthy. It's not smart enough. It won't change someone's life. It's silly. And really, who really cares what I write about? Who am I writing for?
I have plenty to say; believe you, me. Ask anyone who has had even 3 minutes in conversation with me, I have plenty to say. So why not just write my little heart away?
It's selfishness, really. And conceit. I am self-centered and want my writings to be profound and have incredible meaning. I want credit for talent and gifting. If I actually put my thoughts or words into print, and if they are not completely brilliant, I just might be embarrassed. .....Complete foolishness. Come on, girl!!! Write for yourself... and if there is any meaning in it, count it good. If not, who really cares. There are only three people reading what you write anyway!
So, in that light, I write tonight. As an ER RN, I would like to say that I am no longer surprised by anything or anyone. There are things and situations that would probably shock the majority of mainstream America (those not involved in ER medicine). Truthfully, I can say that I am still shocked by some things. One one hand, I see incredible cruelty in humanity. People can be so inhumane in their interactions with each other. And then again, I see incredible beauty and I am surprised by people in the most profound way. Just when I think I have 'seen it all,' I am surprised by the most thoughtful gesture and absolute generosity.
There is an ER doc that is remarkable. I will not name this person, but will say that there is not one single time that I have seen her act unkind, either toward a patient or a coworker. She is competent, and thoughtful and sooooo incredibly insightful and kind -- toward people that society might choose to marginalize. I am surprised by her. I am delighted by the seeds she plants in the hearts of those that are otherwise completely discarded by society. I am delightful that I am surprised by her loving care.
Who are we as people in this life? Do we contribute toward the success---or downfall of our fellow human beings? Do you even wonder if you matter in the life of others? Are you someone who builds others up and helps plant seeds of growth, or do you knock others down in order to make yourself feel more important?
I want to be the former, not the latter. I want to be a nameless, faceless contributor of love, growth, and success in the lives of others. Lord, help grow me. And help me to grow others.
Write I may. Tonight I have penned some verbiage. Regardless of any noteworthy writing this night, have I made a difference in at least one person's life today? That is something worth writing about....
When it comes to writing for the blog, I find myself picking and choosing what to write. I end up not writing for a number of reasons. It's not noteworthy. It's not smart enough. It won't change someone's life. It's silly. And really, who really cares what I write about? Who am I writing for?
I have plenty to say; believe you, me. Ask anyone who has had even 3 minutes in conversation with me, I have plenty to say. So why not just write my little heart away?
It's selfishness, really. And conceit. I am self-centered and want my writings to be profound and have incredible meaning. I want credit for talent and gifting. If I actually put my thoughts or words into print, and if they are not completely brilliant, I just might be embarrassed. .....Complete foolishness. Come on, girl!!! Write for yourself... and if there is any meaning in it, count it good. If not, who really cares. There are only three people reading what you write anyway!
So, in that light, I write tonight. As an ER RN, I would like to say that I am no longer surprised by anything or anyone. There are things and situations that would probably shock the majority of mainstream America (those not involved in ER medicine). Truthfully, I can say that I am still shocked by some things. One one hand, I see incredible cruelty in humanity. People can be so inhumane in their interactions with each other. And then again, I see incredible beauty and I am surprised by people in the most profound way. Just when I think I have 'seen it all,' I am surprised by the most thoughtful gesture and absolute generosity.
There is an ER doc that is remarkable. I will not name this person, but will say that there is not one single time that I have seen her act unkind, either toward a patient or a coworker. She is competent, and thoughtful and sooooo incredibly insightful and kind -- toward people that society might choose to marginalize. I am surprised by her. I am delighted by the seeds she plants in the hearts of those that are otherwise completely discarded by society. I am delightful that I am surprised by her loving care.
Who are we as people in this life? Do we contribute toward the success---or downfall of our fellow human beings? Do you even wonder if you matter in the life of others? Are you someone who builds others up and helps plant seeds of growth, or do you knock others down in order to make yourself feel more important?
I want to be the former, not the latter. I want to be a nameless, faceless contributor of love, growth, and success in the lives of others. Lord, help grow me. And help me to grow others.
Write I may. Tonight I have penned some verbiage. Regardless of any noteworthy writing this night, have I made a difference in at least one person's life today? That is something worth writing about....
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
A Utensil For All Seasons
As with many of my activities, I usually liken them to something else that's going on in my life. For example, when I am in the garden turning the dirt, pulling weeds, planting new life, my mind won't shut off. I think to myself, "You know, weeding is very much like weeding out the spiritual things that need to be pulled if you want your plants....or your spirit....to grow." I consider the 'watering' of my soul and how, if i am not careful to 'feed' it, it just may whither and die. Yes, much like my plants. Much like my kiddos.
When I am running, whether it be inside on the treadmill, or outside in the cool crisp air, my little mind starts right up again. "You know, running is so much like my relationship with God." One foot in front of the other, even when I don't feel like it. Gaining new ground each day that I make the choice to strap on my gear (well, throw on my running shoes) and suck it up. One step leads to another. I change pace, sometimes going at a dead heat, other times I consider anything that isn't walking to be 'running.' Each step I think about how glad I am I made this choice ---to run with God. And when I am at the end of a run, I am grateful for the lessons learned (or twirled 'round in my head).
So, the title of this little blog, "A Spoon In The Road," covers much for me. There haven't really been "forks" in the road of my life, but circular, even oval, somewhat concave spoons that have formed for me and the decisions I have come across. My journey in this life has never really been one of concreteness, but more of a steady "stirring," if you will. Stirring of my soul; stirring of my mind; stirring of my life. This little spoon has been instrumental in so many facets of my life.
When I was a little girl, I used to LOVE coming alongside my mom to cook. She was so patient with me, giving me jobs that I could do and progressing toward more challenging recipes or food presentations, etc. I remember one Thanksgiving in particular when she let me stir the gravy. I wasn't but 7 years old (more or less). And I remember standing beside her as she was working on something more complex, with me quietly moving the wooden spoon back and forth in the thickening sauce just as she had instructed. I was concentrating and said to her as I still stared at my first pot of the yummy brown stuff, "You know, it seems we do this a lot together; stir some gravy." She looked down at me and smiled that phenomenal smile she had that said she knew exactly what I was saying. "Yes, baby.... we sure do."
If you know me, even just a bit, you will know what that last paragraph means, written and implied. If you come to know me through this blog or other venue, you will come to understand what I say and what was meant to be said. I hope that something I write may bless you or your life in some way. Or...maybe I could just make you laugh. That would make me happy too!
Onward and Upward!
Kiesa
When I am running, whether it be inside on the treadmill, or outside in the cool crisp air, my little mind starts right up again. "You know, running is so much like my relationship with God." One foot in front of the other, even when I don't feel like it. Gaining new ground each day that I make the choice to strap on my gear (well, throw on my running shoes) and suck it up. One step leads to another. I change pace, sometimes going at a dead heat, other times I consider anything that isn't walking to be 'running.' Each step I think about how glad I am I made this choice ---to run with God. And when I am at the end of a run, I am grateful for the lessons learned (or twirled 'round in my head).
So, the title of this little blog, "A Spoon In The Road," covers much for me. There haven't really been "forks" in the road of my life, but circular, even oval, somewhat concave spoons that have formed for me and the decisions I have come across. My journey in this life has never really been one of concreteness, but more of a steady "stirring," if you will. Stirring of my soul; stirring of my mind; stirring of my life. This little spoon has been instrumental in so many facets of my life.
When I was a little girl, I used to LOVE coming alongside my mom to cook. She was so patient with me, giving me jobs that I could do and progressing toward more challenging recipes or food presentations, etc. I remember one Thanksgiving in particular when she let me stir the gravy. I wasn't but 7 years old (more or less). And I remember standing beside her as she was working on something more complex, with me quietly moving the wooden spoon back and forth in the thickening sauce just as she had instructed. I was concentrating and said to her as I still stared at my first pot of the yummy brown stuff, "You know, it seems we do this a lot together; stir some gravy." She looked down at me and smiled that phenomenal smile she had that said she knew exactly what I was saying. "Yes, baby.... we sure do."
If you know me, even just a bit, you will know what that last paragraph means, written and implied. If you come to know me through this blog or other venue, you will come to understand what I say and what was meant to be said. I hope that something I write may bless you or your life in some way. Or...maybe I could just make you laugh. That would make me happy too!
Onward and Upward!
Kiesa
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)